Even the tone of his voice made me realize that he was ready for us to sit down and talk like adults. I couldn’t thank God enough for finally taming the bull and calming him down, in order for us to get to a point of having an adult conversation.
“Siza, could you please excuse us?”
Sibusiso asked, looking up at Siza, who was still curiously standing there.
“Oh, yeah. Sure. I’ll be in my room if you need me”
He walked away. Sibusiso and I sat there in silence for a minute or so.
“Mandy, you know, this whole thing is not easy for me”
He said. I remained silent.
“I was very young when I lost my mother. I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember how my father was bending over backwards, to make sure that my life turned out well even though I lost my mother”
He cracked a smile.
“He took me to the best schools, bought me the most expensive clothes and shoes, bought me a car at a very young age. He did his level best to make sure that I remained happy. All his efforts were highly appreciated, but they never filled my mother’s gap. I still yearned for her love. I still longed for her touch”
His smile faded away..
“I couldn’t show him that my mother’s absence still broke my heart. I knew there was nothing he could do to take that pain away. I didn’t want to sound ungrateful at the same time”
“I made a vow to myself as I grew up, never to impregnate any woman I had no intentions of marrying. I knew I couldnt control death, but I wanted to at least control the environment in which my children would be born into. Life happened and you fell pregnant, before the woman I was marrying. The situation worsened when you turned out to be my cousin. I just knew that it was all just a disaster waiting to happen”
He looked at me.
“Please don’t get me wrong, I love my kids very much, they are my life. I just knew that they would not grow up like normal kids, but the plan seemed pretty solid when you stayed with Mommy and Daddy. I knew they were very reliable people and they would help us raise them well. You mixed with the wrong crowd, and got everyone’s lives in danger, then you disappeared”
He looked down..
“I had to step in and take my children and raise them up myself. I had to convince my wife to agree to it, even though I knew it wouldn’t be easy for her as well. She agreed and we raised the kids in peace, with so much love. Out of the Blue, you came back. I was honestly very happy when you came back, because I knew my children’s lives would be complete, even though you were not going to stay with us. Now, hearing you say all these things about my son being broken is a painful reminder that parent issues break children’s souls without us even noticing. It broke my heart to come to terms with the fact that, I failed”
He broke down into tears and cried.
“Sibusiso, none of this is your fault. You did an amazing job in raising our kids. You did far better than I would have done, if I didn’t get admitted into hospital. I respect you for the great work you have done for them in building them a stable home”
I tried comforting him..
“Mandy, you don’t understand. My son is broken, and I didn’t even notice-just like my own father couldn’t notice that I was broken as well”
He cried harder.
“Sibusiso, can we pray?”
I asked. I needed strength and wisdom from the Lord to handle that situation.
He replied. I moved closer to him and we held hands, and both prayed. His voice was all shaky and words kept failing him, but I could hear that he wanted to speak. I could hear that he wanted to lay his heart before the Lord, but words just wouldn’t make it easy for him. When we were done praying, we both opened our eyes.
“Sibusiso, you know my life story. You have seen me at my worst. This just goes to show that we are indeed a broken family. We are carrying childhood scars into adulthood, and that is not good for the kids we are trying to raise”
“I don’t know what to do, Mandy”
“Don’t worry, we will figure this out together. All you need to know for now is that I am on your side, not against you”
He nodded like a five year old.
“Maybe we should go and see a family psychologist, and seek help. Clearly we all need to heal from our own life experiences”
“Okay, I support that suggestion. Also, I know a man who can mend broken souls”
He looked at me.
“Sibusiso, God has done wonders in my life. Look at me today. My life is a testimony on its own. He turned my life around and mended my broken soul. In Him, I have found a father I can cry to”
“I must admit, your life is really in order, and you have changed from the old Mandy I knew”
“That old Mandy was out of control. She had an attention seeking behaviour and she was a lost soul. Everything that happened to her drove her life off track and made her believe that her life was over while she was still alive”
I replied. He nodded again.
“Your God has done a great job at changing you and making you a better person, and a woman I am proud to call the mother of my children. I want your God to heal me. I want your God to heal my children”
Music to my ears. I said a silent prayer to God for the work He was doing in that man’s life.
“Wait, before you say anything. I want my wife and kids to be here as well. I want your God to help them as well. Also, please call Uyi inside as well. We all need help Mandy. Please rescue us from the claws of depression”
I smiled as he took his phone out and called his wife to rush home. When he was done on the phone, he insisted that I go and call Uyi in. God was at work, and all I had to do was to follow His lead.. Sibusiso may have made it sound like I was personally going to help them get to God, but the truth is, God had already pointed His finger at my family. He was just sealing the deal. To God be the glory!