“Mandy, please say something”
He softly begged. What was there for me to say? I opened my mouth, but words wouldn’t come out and my voice failed me.
“Please say something baby, I need to know what you think”
“You want to know what I think?”
I looked at him again. He nodded.
“I think you are a monster, and I don’t know how or why I fell in love with you in the first place. I think you are evil and you don’t deserve to be part of the society that cries against women and children abuse. You are a monster Bazukile”
I looked away.
“I deserve that, but baby you have to understand”
“Understand what? That you are too lazy to finish your degree and find a decent job? Huh? Or that you are too heartless to think of all the pain and misery that you bring these families?”
“No, Bazukile. No!”
I raised my voice.
“You know, I promised myself that I would remain calm and listen to everything you have to say, but I can’t seem to locate my calmness when you make these killings sound so cool and normal. Where is your sense of humanity? Where is your conscious? Bazukile, where is your soul?”
I looked at him. He looked down, and I could see tears dropping on the floor, from his eyes.
“I’m sorry, but I can never be with you. I can’t be with a man who kills for a living. My mother was killed by a man she trusted with her life, there is no way I can associate myself with someone exactly like the man who killed my mother”
He stretched his hand out, to hold mine, but I didn’t stretch mine out to him. Instead, I got up. He got up too.
“Mandy, please man. I don’t want us to fight over this”
“I am not fighting. Bazukile, I am not ready for this kind of lifestyle. Please don’t make me live a life that will destroy me and everything I believe in”
“No, you are not going to live this life. I am the one who is living this life. All I want from you is support and understanding”
The more he talked to me about understanding his life and not being a part of it, the more I realized that he was insensitive. How could he expect me carry on as if nothing happened? He was insensitive and selfish. The calmness that I wanted to maintain failed me. I lost it the minute he tried to convince me to understand. Instead of him understanding that I could not deal with everything that he was asking me to deal with, he had to try and convince me to understand his choices. No, I refused.
“Bazukile, you know how much I love you. You know how much I have dedicated my life to you, but this is just too much for me to handle. I can’t, and I am only asking you to understand that I am not strong enough to deal with this”
Tears were flowing down my cheeks as I said that. The pain cut deep, a whole lot deeper than I imagined it to. I loved him so much. He was my world. He promised to be my only chance at happiness.
“I know you are not strong enough to deal with this, and I hate that you are forced to deal with it now. I hate it. I wanted a better way to inform you, but it happened this way. Mandy, what we have is stronger than this. Please don’t let our love die because of this”
“Our love was based on lies. Our whole relationship was built on dishonesty. How do I move on from that? How do I turn a blind eye on the fact that you are capable of killing me and my children, just to maintain this lavish lifestyle?”
The way he cried when I said that. He couldn’t even talk properly, because tears were flowing down like nobody’s business.
“How could you say that?”
“What do you expect me to say? There is a corpse in your room, on your bed. That body belongs to a woman who trusted you enough to come home with you. She entrusted you with her life, for what? For you to kill her in cold blood, just to make money out of her body parts. I am sorry, but I will never, ever forgive you for this. I will never forgive you for inflicting so much pain to women and children who don’t deserve such cruelty. I will never, ever, forgive you for being a cold hearted bastard!”
I walked away from him and he followed me. He grabbed my hand and turned me to face him.
“I hear you, and I respect your opinion, but I can’t let you go”
“If you are that angry at me, I can’t let you go because I don’t trust that you will not call the cops on me”
My heart started pounding harder.
“So what are you going to do to me? Are you going to kill me?”
“I would never have the courage to kill you, but Malusi might not feel the same way. If I go down, he goes down too and we can’t let that happen”
“What are you saying, Bazukile?”
“I’m saying, since you hate me so much now, I can’t let you go because you might call the cops on me”
“Bazukile, can I have a word with you?”
Malusi asked, as he appeared from one of the bed rooms.
Bazukile followed him back into that room. They didn’t close the door, and they didn’t exactly keep their voices down, so I could almost hear everything”
“Dude, we are in shit”
“Tell me about it, we are sinking deep in it. What are we going to do?”
“What are we going to do? You know what we do to nosey people”
“Malusi, come on man. Please”
“What? This chick will call the cops on us. What do you expect us to do?”
“I will talk to her, please man. I will keep her here, hold her hostage- I will do anything to keep her quiet”
“All of that won’t work, and you know it. She will be reported as missing, and you, as her man will be the first suspect”
“Even if we kill her, I will still be the first suspect”
“But nobody will ever prove that”
“Malusi, I can’t. I love this woman with all my heart. She is my world. I’m sorry, but I can’t do that to her. I have dreams, I have plans, Malusi I have hopes for this relationship”
“Stop being naïve, this child will call the cops on you and all your dreams will go down the drain. She made it clear to you that she doesn’t want to have anything to do with you”
“She is shocked, give her time”
“Time? We don’t have time. We have a body, ready for delivery. We don’t have time for this”
“Malusi, my brother. You and I have been in this business for years now. You know how heartless I am, you know how cold I am, but my brother, please hear me out. I can’t harm her. I can’t hurt her like that. Please spare her life. I am begging you, please have mercy on the queen of my heart. If you kill her, a part of me will die too. Please don’t do that to me, to us”