Phew! I think I was in too deep to back off. I couldn’t think of anything to say to him, that would not hurt his feelings. Yes, I loved the Lord and all, but I was not ready to be emotionally and spiritually bound with Him like that. I knew saying that to him would break his spirit.
“Let me help you break loose from these emotional chains”
“Daddy, I really appreciate the offer but..”
Before I finished, Thoko’s advice to play along just for peace sake, echoed in my ears. I cleared my throat.
“Uhm, but I don’t think I deserve such grace. I mean, who am I to be considered by the Lord Himself”
I giggled nervously. The whole process was such a drag to me, because I was not in the right mental space. We read the bible, prayed and talked about it some more. I was saved by dinner from that torture. I’m sorry, but it was torture for me. Thoko and Trevor called us over for dinner. I almost jumped off my seat and rushed to the dining room. We sat, said grace and ate.
“Kids, it is with such great joy to announce that Mandiphumle is not only just a biological member of this family, but is also a spiritual member”
Both Thoko and Trevor looked at me.
“Wow sis, that’s awesome. How does it feel to be born again?”
Thoko joked and only Trevor and I laughed.
“I want you kids to guide her and make sure she is never confused”
They both nodded.
“You can count on us, Dad”
Trevor assured him. If only he knew. After dinner, I gave Mommy a good massage while she watched TV with Thoko in the living room. I wasn’t watching because I was a bit behind on TV programs and stuff.
“Mmhm, this feels good”
Mommy moaned in great pleasure.
“It will help you relax”
I replied proudly.
“So Mandy, how was your day?”
“It was great, how was yours?”
“It was awesome. I passed the test I wrote last week”
“That’s wonderful, congratulations”
Mommy was in a world of her own, with her eyes closed and letting out soft moans every now and then. Thoko and I had a very innocent conversation, talking about everything along the lines of education and religion. Mommy dropped a comment on certain subjects. When I was done massaging her, we prayed and went to bed.
We were in a forest, in some God forsaken village. I couldn’t see the people I was walking with, but I could see the sadness in their faces. That didn’t make sense to me, because even though I could see that they were sad, but I could not see who they were. One of them started rehearsing a speech, and the others helped him get it right. In their conversation, they were on their way to support their dear friend, but I couldn’t pick up more than that. We walked till we got to Thando’s house. He was washing his car, in his front yard and seemed overly confused to see us, almost as if he was not expecting us. He stared at me straight in the eye, as I walked up to him. “Thank you for coming” he whispered. That left me more confused, because he was not sure why we were there, but he still thanked me for coming. “Mandy!” Mommy shouted. I turned around and ran away, because I didn’t want her to see me with a man. As I was running away from her, she shook me. I screamed because it seemed impossible for her to reach me easy enough to shake me while I was running. She shook me harder and I ran faster.
My eyes shot open and Mommy was waking me up. What a stupid dream, geez!
“Are you okay?”
She asked, concerned. I took a few breaths, trying to calm myself down.
“I was just having a bad dream”
I looked away.
“Oh, come, let’s pray”
She suggested. I got off my bed and knelt next to my bed, and so did she. When we were done, I went to take a shower and quickly got dressed. Because we were already late, we skipped breakfast. During lunch, I decided to call Phila and tell her about the dream.
“What kind of a dream is this?”
She asked. I was just as confused, and telling her was my way of finding out if people would be able to interpret it.
“Maybe Thando is going to thank us for the support”
“Yeah, but what about all the running away and hiding from family?”
“Maybe that part was added by my mind when Mommy was shaking me, trying to wake me up”
We tried analyzing it, but failed because we knew nothing about interpreting dreams. When we were done on the phone, I went over to Mommy’s workstation to talk to her.
She looked at me, trying to chew the food that was in her mouth.
“Uhm, my friend’s son’s funeral is this Saturday”
“Oh, really? I hope all goes well. I wish the Lord would heal their wounds”
“I just hope the weather will be warm. I don’t want to wear anything more than just a simple dress”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I wish Saturday won’t be rainy or cold. I just want to wear a simple dress”
She cleared her throat.
“Honey, you can’t go to the funeral”
I looked at her. What?
“You are pregnant”
She stated the obvious.
“I know that, but why can’t I go to the funeral?”
“Because you are pregnant, and this friend of yours is not family. The only funeral you can attend is that of a family member”
My heart sank. I needed this. To me, that funeral would have been my closure on many things. ClickToRead: 10 Things You Have Been Using Wrong.