As I walked to my room, with my head hanging over my shoulders, I felt like the world was laughing at me. How could Alex get back with the very same woman he vowed to never get back to? The very same woman he spoke I’ll of, in trying to convince me that he was over her? Alex wasn’t even ready to be a father, how and when did that change? How did he get to the point of playing happy families? I couldn’t understand how fast he got his life sorted on the different direction. That man had my head around the dreams he sold me. He made me see a future with him. He made me believe that my situation was just temporary, and that the future promised to brighten up a bit. The sad part, about all that, was that I still loved him to the moon and back. I still could not imagine my life without him.

I got to my room and changed into my pj’s and crawled into bed. The night promised to be such a drag, with millions of thoughts and floods of tears. As much as I wanted to forget him and move on with my life, but there was no way I could just rip my feeling for him off and act like they were not there. If you have ever loved to that extent, maybe you will understand how I felt. Even breathing hurt so bad. They say it is difficult to get over the first love, and I believe them .. Just as I expected, I tossed and turned the whole night, trying to convince my bleeding heart that it would one day heal.

The following morning, on a Sunday, I woke up to gospel music, playing on full blast. I assumed it was the girls, with their cleaning spree. I got out of bed and took my sweet time, making my bed. I didn’t want to face them. If there was a way, I would lock myself up the whole day, but that was almost impossible. When I was done making my bed, I opened my windows and stared at my trees outside. The leaves we’re not moving an inch. They were were sitting still on the branches, almost as hopeless as I was. I stared at them, and they stared back at me. For the longest amount of time, I escaped my own reality and zoned into my nature obsessed self. Those leave were painfully still. A small amount of wind would bring life to their empty lives.

I literally dragged myself out of that room, to face the results of my failed life.. Ntombi and Zizo were in the living room, on a very serious cleaning spree. They both stopped talking when they saw m appearing from my room, and both looked at me. I coldly greeted. “Hey, sweety. You’re up. I see that bunny is such a lover of his sleep” Ntombi blabbed, walking towards me. I smiled. “I had a late night, that why” I said. “Yah hey, you should avoid having late nights, you know. Your baby will be a night rider, I tell you. He’ll stay awake the whole night and that will be torture to you” she said. “Ntombi, could you please help me carry this vase?” Zizo asked, clearly breaking whatever form of bond that she thought was forming between Ntombi and I. If only she knew that talking to Ntombi was the worst kind of torture for me, so she saved me. Ntombi turned to look at her. “Oh, okay” she responded, walking up to Zizo. I continued with my walk to the bathroom. Tears were threatening my eyes as I walked towards the bathroom. No matter how hard I tried to hold them back, but they just wouldn’t back off. I rushed to the bathroom and closed the door behind me. My back leaned against the door and I faced the ceiling, with warm tears streaming down my cheeks. “Where were you crying?”, I’m sure that’s what you’re asking now. Well, I don’t know. My heart was pumping so much pain. I ran myself a hot bath and jumped into the bath tub.. I took forever, soaked myself in the water for as much as I could- anything to kill time. Finally, I got out of the bath tub and wrapped a towel around my body. I then picked my pyjamas which were pooled on the floor, and went to my room. Ntombi and Zizo were chatting up a storm, laughing their evil lungs out. I got to my room and got dressed. I wanted to get the hell out of that house..

I took my phone and called Phila. “Friend” she picked up. “My friend, how are you?” I asked. “I’m okay, and you?” she said. “I’m good.. Can we go out for breakfast? Or maybe I can come over to sis Meissie’s?” I asked. “Aah, I’m sorry my friend. I’m at Vuyani’s” she said. My heart sank. “Can we do lunch instead?” she suggested.. Lunch was a lifetime away. I couldn’t wait for lunch.. i sighed. “Okay, lunch sounds fine” I said, hanging up.. I sighed again, throwing my phone on the neatly made bed.

An idea popped up in my head, to go and visit my brother. There was no better time than that quiet,most boring Sunday. I had little money on me, and I though it would be enough for transport. I wasn’t going to bring him anything, but my presence was all that mattered, right? I put my phone in my bag and walked out out.. On my way out, I bumped into Chukwudi, also going out. . “Hey” I greeted. “Mandy, hi” he greeted back. “How are you?” he asked. Like he cared. “I’m okay, and you?” I replied. “I’m good. Going somewhere?” he asked. “Yes” I replied. He looked at me, clearly waiting for me to continue talking, but I didn’t. “Where are you going?” he asked. “I’m going to see my brother” I replied. “Oh okay, Uhm.. Wow!.. Uuh, let me take you there” he offered .. “Take me where?” I asked. “To your brother” he replied. “No thanks, I will use the taxis” I declined. “Come on, Mandy.” he said. I looked at him. “When were you going to offer if you hadn’t seen me now?” I asked. He cleared his throat. “Mandy, is everything okay?” he asked. “Yes, why?” I replied. “You seem rather annoyed by me” he replied. “If that’s your way of changing the subject, good job. I’m not annoyed” I said. “Then what is going on?” he asked. I folded arms. “You tell me. Since you guys are now treating me like a nobody” I replied. “A nobody? What are you talking about?” he asked. “Arg, stop playing dumb already. Ever since Alex got reunited with Ntombi, you all have been acting strange. I can’t deal with the way you’re treating me” I said. “Acting strange how? What are you talking about?” he was d. What sickened me the most was his dumb act. “Act dumb again and I will leave you standing here” I warned. “Mandiphumle, calm down. I really don’t know what you’re talking about. What I’ve noticed is that you always wake up and go somewhere. everyday. Its like you can’t stand being here anymore” he said. “How can I stay here?” I asked. “See now, I had to hear from Ntombi that your mother is coming over” I said. “How were we going to tell you? You’re never home. You leave in the morning and come back in the middle of the night” he explained. I remained silent.. “Mandy, your real problem here is Ntombi’s presence. That’s one issue that I have nothing to do with, so you can’t be mad at me for that” he said. “I’m not mad at you for that. I’m talking about you guys treating me like-” he cut me short.. “Like what? Huh?” he asked. “Please don’t shift your anger to innocent people. You know who you’re mad at, and you know why” he said.. Please don’t tell me he was right, please. Tell me he was an insensitive jerk. To wrap things up, I agreed to whatever crap he was saying. He offered to take me to town, and I agreed. He dropped me off and I took a taxi to Mr Nkomo’s .. On the way, I was conditioning my heart for the unknown. I didn’t know what to expect.. On arrival, Mr Nkomo’s bakkie was parked in front of his shop. So he was home. I went to the shop and stood by the entrance. Mr Nkomo was helping out a customer.. The shock on his face when he saw me, priceless. “Mandi.. Mandiphumle?” he called out. I silently stood there, looking at him. “Come in” he said. I dragged my feet in. The customer walked out. “How are you? Please come in” he said, walking up to me, over the counter. “I’m okay, and you?” I replied. “I’m okay. I’m so happy to see you” he said. Yeah, right. “How have you been?” he asked. I cleared my throat.. “Can I see Enkosi?” I asked. I wasn’t there for a chit chat .. “Oh, Enkosi is not here” he said. “Where is he?” I asked. “Let’s go to the house” he suggested, signaling that we should walk out of the shop. We went to the house and he asked me to sit down.. “So? Where is he?” I asked. “Mandiphumle, you do know that Sibusiso-” I cut him short. The mere mention of Sibusiso’s name made me sick. “Where is Enkosi?” I asked again. “Let me finish” he said. I pressed my lips tightly together.. “Sibusiso got married last month, and his wife suggested that they take the boy to stay with them” he explained. My world froze.. “What?” I asked .. “Because I’m old, and I’m a very busy person, as you know. Sibusiso and his wife will take good care of the boy, and they visit every other weekend” he said. “Enkosi is my brother. You had no right to take him away without consulting me” I said. “Where were you?” he asked. “You kicked me out. Where was I supposed to go?” I asked. “Mandiphumle, listen, I don’t want to fight with you. Okay? If you want to see Enkosi, you will have to call Sibusiso or his wife, or you can come back next weekend to see him here” he said. “Enkosi is my brother, how could you take him to stay with the man I hate so much?” I exploded. Silence loomed over our heads.. After a few minutes, he cleared his throat. “Look, this is not about you. Sibusiso is doing the best he can, to help that boy. I will not stand these nasty remarks that you throw around about my son” he said. “Why can’t you believe me? Your son ruined my life. Why are you defending him like this?” by that time, I could feel words flowing right out of my mouth.. “I’m really not doing this with you” he got up.. “Sibusiso is not who you think he is. That man is evil. He’s the devil himself!” I shouted. “That’s it. Out!” he pointed at the door. “Mr Nkomo you have to believe me. I am pregnant, with that bastard’s child!” words slipped out before I could stop them. His eyes widened. “What did you just say?” he asked. I looked down and fiddled with my hands. . “Mandiphumle!” he shouted. I looked at him. “I’m pregnant” I repeated. He started sweating, and fanning his face with his hand.. “Are you okay, Sir?” I asked. He rushed for the couch and sat down, still fanning his face.. “Sir?” I called out . He got all sweaty, with his eyes wide open and his mouth hanging open. “Mr Nkomo, are you okay?” I asked again.. He touched his forehead, and his breathing pattern accelerated. He was breathing through his mouth.. I ran to the kitchen, to get him some water, by the time I got back, his eyes were rolled back and his mouth was still hanging open. He was leaning on his couch, almost lifeless….