After moments of negotiating with my heart, I finally came to terms with how my life was reduced to. I was a sex machine, and I needed to act as such.

Sibusiso kissed me on the lips. It  wasn’t the first time I got kissed. When I was 17 years old, I had a boyfriend. He was 18 and was doing matric. We had a good thing going on, until he went to the initiation school and changed into a player I never loved. Sibusiso’s kiss was different. He used his tongue more than my previous boyfriend. He kissed me in a way that no man ever kissed me, like my lips were made of gold. I was absorbed in his kiss, that I didn’t stop him when he slid his hand in my underwear. I was even helping him when he undressed me. He paused and looked at me. “This is nice. I could do this every minute of everyday” he said as he kissed me some more.

I must admit, he was more gentle and more sensitive of my feelings. So much that I enjoyed myself throughout the encounter. In the middle of the intercourse, something weird happened. I had this unexplainable feeling, like I was in a world of my own, like I was floating. I had my nails tightly clinged on his back, as I felt like I was urinating. I couldn’t hold my “urine” back, and I was so embarrassed for wetting Sibusiso’s bed, during sex even. I came  back to my senses and pushed him back. He was enjoying himself, moaning and groaning in great pleasure.

I tried to stop him and get him off me, but he couldn’t stop. He practically begged me to let him “finish”. As he was going on, I was trying to master what I was going to tell him in explanation of urinating on his bed. Few minutes later, he came. He kissed my cheek and got off me. “Wow!” he exclaimed. I could not even say a word, I was deeply ashamed. “You were geat. Infact, you were wonderful” he passed a compliment.

He got out of bed and went to get a towel. “Baby, are you okay?” he asked. Baby. One “great” sexual encounter and I was “baby”. I turned to look at him, making sure that I didn’t shift from the wet spot. “Something went wrong” I said. His smile slowly faded away. “Something like what?” he asked. I uncomfortably cleared my throat. I was still trying to locate my voice and find the right words to explain what I did. “Baby?” he softly called out. “I .. I ..” I licked my lips in a very disgusting way. He held my hand and gently rubbed it. “You can talk to me, whatever it is” he assured me. “Sibusiso, I did something really embarrassing” I said. He gave me that “what” look. “I think I urinated” I said. He laughed out loud, so hard that  I felt tears threatening my eyes. I was so heartbroken. When he realized that I was teary, he stopped laughing and neared closer to me. “Hey, this is not a bad thing” he said. I sniffed. “Not a bad thing? Your bed is soaking wet, and you’re saying its not a bad thing?” I unbelievably asked. He laughed again. “Trust me, its not that bad” he said as he tried to get me to shift from the wet spot. I tried stopping him from moving me, but he overpowered me. “See? Its not that bad” he said.

I looked at he spot, it really wasn’t that bad. It was just a White fluid, lightly smeared on the bed cover. “This is normal, baby. Women experience this during good sex” he explained. I was 18 years old, and I was ashamed that I was that clueless about sexual details. “So this is not bad?” I asked, searching for confirmation that I didn’t mess up. “This isn’t bad. Its just your body’s way of appreciating what we just did” he said. I dramatically took a deep sigh. He laughed as he wiped my vagina with his towel. When he was done, he got out of bed and wore his shorts. “Would you like anything to drink?” he asked and I nodded. “Yes, please”. He walked out of the room, leaving me in bed.

He came back into the room, with two glasses of juice. “Here” he said, as he handed me my glass. “Thanks” I politely said as I took the glass. “I see you enjoyed yourself this time around” he proudly said. I smiled and looked down. “I wish this could last forever. I enjoy every minute I’m spending with you” he said. I could not  stop smiling. For some reason, I was starting to enjoy what Sibusiso and I were doing. His gentleness softened my heart and warmed me up to his “deal”.

We peeled the covers off and got under  blankets. We faced each other. “So, you said something about us getting to know each other?” he asked.  “Yes, I feel we need to get to know each other. That’s the least we could do” I explained. “Okay, go first” he suggested. “Why me?” I playfully asked. He laughed. “It was your idea, so lead the way” he replied. I laughed too. “Okay fine, I’m Mandiphumle Soldati. I’m 18 years old, and I am a matric dropout” I formally introduced myself. “Matric dropout?” he asked and I silently nodded. “Ever since my mother disappeared, I had to be a mother to my brother, and I could not focus at school” I explained. “I’m so sorry to hear that” he said. I cracked a smile. “Its okay, life goes on. What hurts the most though is not getting the opportunity to mourn my mother’s death” I said. He ran his hand on my cheek. “You are one strong lady, Mandiphumle. I admire your strength, even though I know it is not easy for you” he said. “Thanks” I coldly responded.

“Your turn” I pointed out. He smiled. “Okay, I am Sibusiso Nkomo. I’m 29 years old, if you must know” I laughed. “I work at a bank, as a consultant” he added. “Oh? So why are you here?” I asked. “I’m on leave, and my father asked me to come over and look after his shop for him” he replied. “Oh, I see. So, where did you grow up? You were hardly ever around here” I randomly asked, and he laughed. “You just grew up, so that’s why you don’t know me. I was born and raised in this house. My mother passed away when I was a teenager. My father could not raise me alone, because I was a naughty child, so he sent me to boarding school” he explained.

The pillow talk lasted till midnight, when we both passed out in the middle of a conversation. The following morning, I woke up to Sibusiso, talking on the phone. “Baby, I told you I will do it today. Please don’t be like that” he said. I covered my face with the blanket and pretended  to be fast asleep. “I love you, Vuyokazi. I love you, and you know that. I will call my father today and ask him to come home. Yes, I want this as much as you do. Marrying  you is all I can think of lately, and I promise to make arrangements with my father and uncles” he giggled. “I’ll call you later, Mrs Nkomo” he laughed.

After a few minutes of silence, I uncovered my face and softly moaned, like I had just woken up. He looked at me. “Hey, sleepy head” he said. “Hey” I said. He was getting dressed, so he stopped what he was doing and looked  at me. “How did you sleep, after urinating last night?” he asked, laughing. I smiled, telling him that I slept well. He told me he had a peaceful night, and dreamt of me, urinating. He couldn’t stop laughing, and I didn’t find anything funny in what he said.

“Oh, before I forget..” he said, sitting on the bed. “My father is coming back, so you have to leave” he said. “What?” I sat up. “You said your father will be away for three more weeks” I said. He looked down. “I know what I said, but things have changed”… “Things? What things, Sibusiso?” I asked, with  shaky voice. He looked at me. “Its a long story, and I can’t get into it now. Please, pack your things. I will drop you off in town” he commanded. “Sibusiso please, where will I go?” I begged. “I will help you get a place to rent, and give you more money to settle down” he assured me. “The letter.. I still need to find my sister and..” he cut me short.. “Mandy, our deal was that you will sleep with me and I will give you money. I would like  to believe that I have kept my promise  to you. Anything else is none of my business. Please, start packing”